When I was in very early recovery, I attended a few AA meetings, as that was the primary suggestion from the rehab center I had attended.
Meetings did not feel right to me. I was nervous to share in them, and I did not like being put on the spot by the chairperson at the end: “Would you like to share?”
No, I don’t want to share. And I don’t want to have to say that, either–especially while everyone is looking at me.
I suppose this is where introversion can sometimes overlap with social anxiety.
But even if you are not socially anxious when it comes to sharing, meetings still may not be your preferred method of recovery from addiction.
So it can be a bit annoying when the whole world seems to be pushing you towards this as the default solution.
The entire treatment industry is pushing you towards a socially based solution–attending groups, sharing at meetings, it’s a “we” program, and so on.
But what if you could find another path?
Embracing introversion – can it work?
Early in my recovery journey I had a therapist who tried to encourage me to go to AA meetings. She wanted me to “push through the discomfort,” in order for it to become more familiar to me, and ease my anxiety through repetition.
I tried to give it a chance. I’m not sure how many tries I gave it, or how long I stuck it out, or how many more AA meetings I should have gone to.
This therapist was also pushing me to share in the meetings. She was adamant about the fact that if I just forced myself to keep sharing in the meetings, that it would get easier.
But it never did.
Did I give it long enough? Did I give it a fair chance? I have no idea–I tried to give it an honest try. Because at the time, I was afraid that sharing in meetings was the only way to success.
The whole world was telling me that if I left AA that I would drink and I would die.
But it never got any easier. Going to meetings never felt natural to me. It wasn’t going to be my lifelong solution, and deep in my heart I knew this was the truth. I wasn’t going to be in it for the long run.
So I opted out. I quit going, and I started scrambling to make a plan for how I was going to manage my sobriety on my own.
I didn’t really know what I was doing, so I just started pulling from all sorts of different sources–exercise, meditation, holistic health, and all sorts of other tools–and then I just went all out, full steam, driven entirely by the fear of relapse, and I never looked back.
And it worked. My peers in AA were worried that I would relapse, and over a period of months, and even years, they slowly came to believe that I had found a path of my own that had some real foundation to it.
I had found a path that worked for me, a path that did not rely on constant socialization.
I made a list of things that I needed to do each day–things that I knew would support me in my recovery. Things that addressed every area of my holistic well being in recovery, other than my social health. Things like spiritual health, emotional health, mental health, and physical health.
This included things such as exercise, meditation, journal writing, and on. I was meticulous in keeping a daily task list, and checking off things off the items as I completed them.
I knew that the “winners” in traditional recovery were people who went to meetings every single day, for the most part–so I made sure that I was doing things for my recovery every single day as well.
Guiding principles for any recovery program
I believe this path can work for others.
There are a couple of critical factors for anyone’s success in addiction recovery. These are true whether you are working the program of AA/NA, a religious based program, or Introverted Recovery. These principles are:
1) Surrender – if you still have a belief that you might be able to drink or use drugs successfully, then no program of recovery can help you. Surrender is when you throw up your hands and say “I can’t do this any more. I cannot use drugs or alcohol successfully.”
2) Daily hustle – people in AA have an “easy button” for this: they just go to a meeting, every single day, for the rest of their lives. You have the unique challenge of designing a recovery program that works for you, then laying out a daily routine that implements holistic health as well as some personal growth elements, and then pushing yourself to pursue these tasks–every single day. I repeat: Every. Single. Day. If you start taking days off, complacency sets in, and you could very easily relapse. This is true for any recovery program–complacency leads to relapse.
3) Self awareness – Richard Feynman famously quipped that “The easiest person to fool is yourself.” As a recovering addict or alcoholic, this is particularly dangerous, because just one emotionally precarious situation that gets mismanaged can lead us into trouble. We can fool ourselves into thinking that we can get away with a seemingly innocent fling with an ex, or that we could take a trip to Vegas with a group of drunks and believe we could stay sober. As such, we need a way to catch ourselves, and this is going to be true no matter what program you are in. Traditionally this is done through meetings and a sponsor. In Introverted Recovery, we typically address this with things like journal writing and 1 one 1 therapy.
The choice is yours
My belief is that you can choose to embrace your introversion and design your own program of recovery, such that you do not depend on regular meetings. I have done exactly that in spite of those who told me that it was a recipe for failure.
You can go against your natural inclination and force yourself to sit in meetings, potentially sitting idle without much personal growth, or you can design your own program and hustle your way towards specific goals and holistic health. The key is to adhere to the principles outlined above and then commit fully with massive action.
Leave a Reply