We normally think of fear as being a negative thing, but in this case, we can use it as a way to unlock our success.
Let’s see how we can use fear to not just overcome addiction, but also to reap the rewards of recovery.
Dismal success rates and ominous AA warnings
If you have spent some time around AA, or recovery in general, then you have probably heard people quote some rather dismal success rates for recovery. To hear them tell it, very few people are successful in achieving real sobriety.
Everyone’s numbers are a bit different; some of them are wildly different. But the exact figures are not important. What’s important is this: not everyone is successful at addiction recovery. Many who attempt this will fail.
And you can use this to your advantage.
Some would say “Don’t be intimidated by this….”
I say the opposite!
Be intimidated by the scary success rates, and the fact that so many people struggle to stay clean and sober.
Be a bit scared of this.
Heed this warning. Feel this fear.
I believe that this “intimidation factor” is one of the key reasons that I was successful when I started on the path of introverted recovery myself.
I was abandoning daily AA meetings–the supposed tried and true formula. Everyone there at AA told me not to leave. Everyone there said “those who leave the meetings always relapse, they always regret it, they always come back and tell us they never should have quit coming.”
So I was afraid that if I left the meetings, I would relapse as they predicted. But I knew I was done with them, I was resolved to move on in my recovery and find a different path. Sitting in meetings was torture for me.
And so I made a critical decision: I can remember saying to myself, and thinking to myself: “If I am really going to walk away from 12 step meetings, then I had better have a serious plan of action in place.”
I was scared. And the fear propelled me into action.
Massive action is why introverted recovery works
In the beginning there was only AA. Today, we know that there are many different paths to addiction recovery.
But one of the universal traits of success–in any of these recovery programs–is massive action.
If you are in a Christian based program, and you surround yourself with the people involved, and go to the services as often as possible, and do the work that they are offering you, and study the literature while applying the concepts to your life, and find a mentor who can help you one on one, and so on and so forth–then you have a good chance of being successful. If you show up to a group once a month, and crack open the literature every other week, you are going to fail. Not enough action.
In this example, it’s not that the Christian based program had any secret magic sauce to it–it was the massive action behind it. Tap into every resource, work every angle, reach out to every person. Dive into that program with the faith that it can change your life, and it will produce results. AA or NA works exactly the same way. If you dive into it and commit to the program fully and take all the suggestions and show up to meetings every single day, then your chances are good. Does that mean those programs are for everyone?
No–preferences can differ. But the point is proven–it is massive action that produces results, not some secret sauce. If the secret sauce had any real magic to it, then only AA would work, and alternative programs would be ineffective. Or vice versa.
This is good news for us!
We are introverts, and we want to recover based on a path that is geared towards introversion, and now we know that there is a key that allows us to do so successfully.
That key is massive action.
Fear of relapse can also push through a critical stretch moment
The earlier you are in your recovery journey, the more you need massive action.
When you are caught up in drinking or drug use, your whole life is defined by your disease. Everything revolves around your drinking or drug use. People, places, things, your thoughts and behaviors, your routines–just everything.
When you reach that critical moment of surrender, you may think that you just stop using your drug of choice and then wander away from your addiction as a new person, without having to make any other changes.
The truth is, your whole life will change if you are going to be successful. Nearly everything will change.
Because you will change.
As an introvert who also had a bit of social anxiety, I was very reluctant to face any groups or go to inpatient treatment–so I resisted it for a long time.
It is part of what kept me drinking and using drugs for so long. I was afraid to get help, because I knew I would have to face some social settings if I did so.
But eventually, I became miserable enough in my addiction that I became willing to do whatever it took. I surrendered completely, and I was willing to break through this fear, this anxiety. So I went to detox, and to inpatient rehab.
That was the turning point for me, over 24 years ago. I have not drank or used drugs since.
That was the most critical “stretch moment” of my journey–setting my introversion aside for just a brief moment (14 days total) so that I could break through into recovery. Those 14 days of discomfort have given me 24 years of freedom.
Fear of relapse can also knock you out of stagnation and complacency
One thing that may not be obvious is that people can and do relapse who have been clean and sober for long periods of time.
How does this happen, you may ask?
The recovering addict or alcoholic gets lazy. They get complacent. They prop their feet up and they stop doing the things that they need to do in order to maintain their recovery.
Another way that this manifests is that a recovering addict will keep doing the same thing over and over in recovery, with no variation or growth at all.
For example, there are plenty of people who have been going to the same AA meeting for years, over and over, and suddenly they relapse. What happened? They had support.
The problem is that nothing was happening–no more growth. Just stagnation. Daily meetings were not a solution by themselves. More action was needed.
Complacency leads to relapse–which is why personal growth is always one of the two cornerstones of introverted recovery.
As we move into long term sobriety, we know that complacency will always be a looming threat that could lead us to relapse.
Personal growth and massive action are the solution to that problem.
And we can let that fear, that worry of complacency be the thing that drives us to keep taking positive action, and to reap the rewards of a life well lived in recovery.
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