The zero tolerance policy is actually 2 agreements that you make with yourself.
The first policy is essentially “I won’t use drugs or alcohol.”
The second is essentially “I won’t entertain thoughts of using drugs or alcohol.”
The reason I call it a “zero tolerance policy” is because you need to do the first one perfectly in order to maintain recovery–I know if I relapse, even one drink, my life will fall apart and I could lose everything.
The second policy is less “fatal” but if you treat it as something you won’t tolerate, it will become automatic for you and it will make your recovery much stronger.
Let’s dive in.
Agreement #1: Zero Tolerance for Using Mood or Mind Altering Substances
Believe it or not, there are actually some programs out there that attempt to teach people how to use their drug of choice in moderation.
Let’s be clear: moderation never worked for me, and I doubt it works for you either–otherwise–you probably wouldn’t be reading this. We all tried to moderate our use, and failed. That’s what defined us as addicts and alcoholics, and that’s what spiraled our lives out of control, and that’s what led us to seek a solution. We couldn’t control it. Period.
So the solution, for me–and I’m guessing for you too–is going to come down to “total abstinence.”
From what exactly? For me, that answer is:
“From all mood and mind altering substances.”
Now there are some addicts and alcoholics in recovery who believe they can get away with using marijuana without it leading them to a “full relapse.”
Because of my experiments while I was still in active addiction, I know that this won’t work for me. I tried to quit drinking by doing the “marijuana maintenance program” and it failed miserably for me.
The problem comes down to this:
If a substance is able to significantly alter your mood or your mind, such that it can medicate your emotions, then it is likely “off limits.”
Say you just had a really, really bad day. You came home from a crappy day at work, nothing went right, you are fighting with your boss, your coworkers, your spouse is mad at you, you owe someone money you don’t have, and on and on. You are beyond frustrated. Now let’s consider a list of substances you might ingest, and see if they are able to “fully medicate this emotional state.” Keep in mind these are just my opinions:
* Marijuana = yes
* Alcohol = yes
* Opiates = yes
* Cocaine = yes
* Hallucinogens = yes
* Inhalants = yes
* Benzodiazepines = yes
* Caffeine = no
* Nicotine = no
Notice that while caffeine and nicotine are both “mind altering,” neither of them can fully “medicate away” that crappy day you just had. They cannot erase negative emotions.
But all of the other substances on that list–if taken in sufficient quantity–will effectively erase that crappy day from your mind, and your mood, at least temporarily.
* (And that is why the marijuana maintenance program, in my opinion, doesn’t work–for any true addict or alcoholic. If you ingest a sufficient quantity, it can temporarily erase negative emotions. If you disagree with this, then you simply have not used enough of the stuff, IMO).
So what I’m getting at here, is that you need to have your own, personal list of substances that are part of your zero tolerance policy: you aren’t going to touch them, no matter what. My suggestions are up above, but that list is not exhaustive–there are plenty of other drugs of abuse out there that certainly qualify as being “off limits.” You have to use some common sense. In general, if other people take something in order to “get high” or “catch a buzz,” then you probably don’t want it.
Zero tolerance, in your own mind, for addictive substances: “I don’t drink or get high, NO MATTER WHAT.”
That’s it. Simple.
Then the rest of Introverted Recovery is about making your life good enough to stand by that decision.
Agreement #2: Zero Tolerance for “Mental” Drug or Alcohol Use
Okay let me define my terms here:
“Mental drug and alcohol use” is about glamorizing, glorifying, or simply reminiscing about drug or alcohol use.
This all happens in your mind, and it can happen in a split second, when you don’t even expect it.
Let’s say you drive past the liquor store where you used to buy your booze. Or you happen to see a person you used to buy drugs from.
Or there may be no apparent trigger at all. Your brain simply starts remembering what it was like to get drunk or high.
And suddenly you are “entertaining the thought.”
And if you let it, your brain may wander down the path, playing out a scenario: the sequence of scoring the drugs, going to the spot you used them, actually going through the ritual of using them, the feelings the drugs or alcohol gave you, and so on. You remember the party, the good vibes, and so on.
This is what we need to shut down before it is allowed to happen.
Why?
Because what happens is this: Your brain gets this little “freebie” of remembering what it was like to “indulge” in drug or alcohol use, and it remembers one of the good times, and it focuses on the good memories, and the pleasant parts of the experience. Your brain goes through this sequence, it remembers the good times, and it creates this new, present day memory that basically says “I remember doing my drug of choice, and it was good and fun and pleasant.”
And then, you snap back to reality, which is your massive, present day push to recovery and to deny yourself addictive substances.
Your brain is going to hold these two things on a scale, because they are both going to be happening “right now:”
1) The fond memory of the good times using your drug of choice, and
2) The tough, present day struggle of grinding out recovery and abstinence from your drug of choice.
Your brain is going to hold those two things in contrast, and it’s going to make you miserable.
The more you reminisce, the more you will be miserable in your recovery. Your brain will do this to you whether you want it to or not.
Glamorizing and glorifying past drug or alcohol use is just more of the same–you are remembering the good times, and your brain is going to punish you for it with present day misery.
So as a result, you must train yourself to notice it AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE when your thoughts “go there.”
Every time your mind latches on to your past drug or alcohol use, any time it has a thought of the good old days, any time you catch yourself reminiscing in this way, you have to shut it down as quickly as you can.
And you have to do it every time. Consistently. It will take practice. You will get better at it. Redirect yourself immediately. Go on with what you were doing.
And eventually it will become automatic. You will shut down those thoughts without even having to consciously do so.
Make an agreement with yourself that the second you notice thoughts of drinking or drug use, you will instantly redirect yourself. You will never allow yourself the “luxury” of reminiscing about your past drug or alcohol use.
This is your mental zero tolerance policy.
“No matter what….”
These two “internal policies” that you make with yourself, when followed perfectly, are enough to keep you clean and sober forever (not really too amazing, because one of them is to simply not use drugs or alcohol!)
The rest of the Introverted Recovery program is dedicated to helping you uphold these internal decisions: “I’m not going to drink or use, and I’m not going to allow myself to entertain the thought of drinking or using either. No matter what.”
They are simple agreements you make with yourself, but there is a lot of work you must do in order to build the sort of life you will need in order to maintain these decisions.
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